Of all the things I teach, forgiveness is the one people resist the most. And I understand why. Forgiveness can feel like surrendering. Like saying what happened was acceptable. Like letting the other person win.
But that is not what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is not about the other person at all. It is about you. It is about putting down the heavy bag you have been carrying and walking forward without it. The person who hurt you may not even know you are carrying it. They have moved on. You are the one still suffering.
Why forgiveness is so difficult
We hold onto resentment because it feels like protection. If I stay angry, I will not be hurt again. If I keep this wall up, I am safe. The logic makes sense to the mind, but the body pays the price.
I have seen people in Dibrugarh with chronic health issues (headaches, digestive problems, insomnia) that trace back to unforgiven wounds. One woman came to me with persistent shoulder pain. Through our work together, she connected it to anger she had been holding toward her older sister for twenty years. When she finally practised Ho’oponopono for that relationship, the shoulder pain began to ease.
I am not saying all physical pain is emotional. But I am saying that unprocessed emotional pain often settles in the body.
The Ho’oponopono process for forgiveness
Here is how I guide people through forgiveness using Ho’oponopono:
Sit quietly. Bring the person or situation to mind. Notice what you feel: anger, hurt, betrayal, sadness. Do not push these feelings away.
Begin the four phrases:
I am sorry. This is not about taking blame. It is about acknowledging that there is suffering, and that you are connected to it.
Please forgive me. Again, this is not about blame. It is about asking for cleansing, from the universe, from yourself, from the situation itself.
Thank you. Gratitude for the healing that is beginning. Even if you do not feel it yet, say it.
I love you. This reconnects you to your fundamental nature, which is not anger or hurt but love.
Repeat these phrases slowly, over and over, for 10-15 minutes. Let the emotions come. Let them move through you. Do not analyse. Just keep repeating.
My power of Ho’oponopono post gives more context on the practice, and forgiveness and healing explores the broader journey.
Forgiving yourself
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You know your own failures intimately. You know exactly what you did, what you said, what you should have done differently.
For self-forgiveness, direct the four phrases inward. Imagine the version of you that made the mistake. See that person with compassion. They were doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. This is not an excuse (it is a fact).
I have worked with students who carried guilt for years over things they did as teenagers. Decades of self-punishment for mistakes made by someone who was essentially a child. Ho’oponopono helped them finally release that burden.
For related practices, see my daily Ho’oponopono practice guide. Making this part of your routine is the most powerful thing you can do for long-term emotional freedom.
